Patrick Bateman’s Morning Routine

Patrick Bateman Morning Routine

Patrick Bateman is a sensible man…. I mean aside from his psychotic episodes, his obscure bedroom tendencies and his occasional murders…. OK, so maybe he’s a complete lunatic, but he does know what he’s doing when it comes to his skincare routine.


Patrick Bateman’s Morning Routine:

1. “In the morning, if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now.”

1000 stomach crunches every morning? Like a boss!!!!

During sleep you’re going through a prolonged period without taking on any fluids, which can often lead to dehydration. Dehydration causes blood vessels to dilate, which leads to water retention around the face, leaving your skin looking and feeling puffy. This will be particularly apparent after a heavy night out on the sauce

A cold eye mask or ice pack helps to constrict your capillaries and blood vessels in your skin lessening puffiness and dark circles caused by dilated blood vessels.  I would also recommend drinking plenty of water when you first wake to reduce the effects of dehydration and set you up for the day.

Try this eye gel mask from MenScience.

Eye Gel Mask


2. “After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser….”

As Bateman rightly knows cleansing is the first step in any skincare routine.  A deep pore cleanser unsurprisingly cleanses your pores (deep) and helps to remove excess oils and impurities. It’s best to use a cleanser in the morning before you exfoliate.

Try Zero Oil – Deep pore cleanser with Saw Palmetto & Mint from Origins.

Zero Oil Deep Pore Cleanser


3. “Then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub”

After cleansing, Patrick quite rightly exfoliates. Exfoliation removes dead skin cells leaving your skin feeling smooth, fresh and clean.

Patrick uses a honey almond scrub for his body, much like this almond shower scrub from L’Occitane

Almond shower scrub

Then an exfoliating gel scrub for his face. Try Decleor Men’s Clean Skin Scrub Gel

decleor men clean skin scrub

4. “Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine”

This Mask of Magnaminty face mask from Lush is a personal favourite of mine and the cool mint freshness is really helps to wake your skin and your mind.

Mask Of Magnaminty

5. “I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older”

Patrick Bateman doesn’t need to shave to use an aftershave lotion, he does what he wants! And what he wants is an alcohol free aftershave lotion as he quite rightly mentions post-shave lotions with alcohol can dry your skin and leave it feeling it tight.

There’s an abundance of alcohol free post-shave balms on the market at the moment, try this Extreme Comfort Post Shave Balm from Nivea

Nivea Post Shave Balm


6. “Then moisturiser, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturising protective lotion”

One moisturising lotion isn’t enough for Patrick’s sensitive skin, although I would suggest that you can probably get by with one.

For a moisturiser try this Daily Moisture Defence Lotion from Lab Series.

Lab series daily moisturiser defence lotion

For an anti-aging eye balm try this Anti-Fatigue Eye Serum from ClarinsMen.

ClarinsMen Anti-Fatigue Eye Serum

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